Monday, May 24, 2010

The winds continued to pick up from Saturday's blustery day, doubling their speed on Sunday. Still blowing today.

I awoke early and took down my chimes that were thrashing wildly about in the wind. When I lay back down, I could still hear them! It was sort of an auditory afterimage, like when you can't get a song out of your head. Only what was really cool was that their sound remained random and arbitrary in my mind, just as if they were still being buffeted at the whim of the outside wind.

Interesting. At least to me.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I had an unusual experience during sleep last night. I dreamt the same dream, back-to-back, from two different perspectives. Both were disturbing.

In the first version, I was on the couch with a lion that had been my childhood companion. But something had gone terribly wrong. He held my foot in his mouth and had become wild again. He was ready to snap through skin and bone to rip my foot free of my ankle. I dared not move.

If I moved, the foot was gone, and with this loss--although it held the potential of escape--I risked a full on attack. If I remained motionless, I risked the lion eventually deciding to completely devour me with painstaking and shredding agony. However, not moving also held the possibility that something would happen to save both my life and limb.

Someone did intervene with a strong sedative shot to the lion. I escaped into my bedroom, locking the door, petrified as the lion regained consciousness. I was keenly in touch with strong and conflicting emotions of love for my lifelong companion and the fear of painful death. I positioned myself midway in the framework of my open window ready to leap out if the lion stayed indoors to hunt me, and ready to withdraw inside, locking the window, if the lion ventured outside to find me.

Then the dream repeated. I was in a restaurant, in line to eat. The line wrapped around a large glass room containing a chimpanzee on display. Inside with the chimpanzee was a small boy whose foot was clamped viscously between the bared teeth of the chimpanzee. Again, the scenario played: wrench free and lose a foot? or, maintain stillness hoping for intervention--but increasing the odds of losing all?

Moving: may find escape, definite loss of foot. Life still at risk of being fully devoured.
Not moving: may find full escape. High risk of entire life being devoured.

I posted the following on Facebook the day before my dream: "Spent the day being non-active, which is not the same thing as being inactive. Being non-active requires actively not acting. Inaction is simply not doing things." I wasn't really sure what I meant at the time. I'm still not sure. But the dream seems to point to something similar.

Action is typically my modus operandi. I detest apathy (even while admittedly finding it laced throughout my own life). Sometimes, too, I simply enjoy not doing anything. But this is something different. Actively not acting. It is a meditation. It is focusing on not focusing. Sitting. Still. Waiting....until the Other breaks through and full freedom is gained.

I wasn't successful at doing that on this particular day, and I'm not certain how the dreams turned out. But I recognize the need for--and beauty of--intentional awareness, of being, not doing. Sitting in the tension of being poised between life and death, loss and gain. In the uncertainty.

And savoring the moment of experience.

Monday, May 17, 2010

On Deck

Yesterday, my day of non-action (Facebook friends will know the reference), I bought some books to read. Upcoming titles include, "The Book of Lost Things," "The ESP Enigma," "Bicycle Diaries," "American Rust" and "Jesus." That should keep me busy for awhile.

Hope to learn what you are reading on!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I went to church this morning, as I have been doing more consistently over the past few Sundays. Not because I want to, so much as because it seems to be good for me. No, I don't think it makes me a better person. At least not in the sense of "chalk one up for good acts" by going to church.

But good for me in the sense that I feel, well, yeah, that I am better for going. Call it childhood guilt, perhaps. But it does seem to make a difference.

I think that it has something to do with the direction of the Eucharist. Most often, I think of the Eucharist as something that is coming to me. God, Incarnate, infusing my self with God's self. Bread and wine taken in. Reuniting me with my Source of being.

Lately, after reading a little article on the Eucharist at Corinth (sorry, don't have reference handy), I'm sensing these particular sacraments as moving from me towards God. Reconnecting and giving of myself to God and the Body of Christ. I don't have a lot of words for it, really. But it seems important and I'm glad that I went this morning.

Friday, May 14, 2010


You might be living in an adobe home if pulling weeds on the property includes the roof of your house.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Exceeded my fundraising goal by $250. Thanks, everyone!


Grocery store security are approaching man who has just vomited on the glass doors of the beer coolers. Customer shrugs off the officers, takes off his shirt and says, "No, no. I'll help clean it up," as he begins to wipe the glass with his shirt.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Cashier at grocery store hollers over at customer, "Where've you been?" Customer relies, showing off a plastic wristband, "Just got out of jail! They dropped me off at 4 AM this morning." He is putting money into the lottery ticket machine.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

One Last Push

I'm still hoping to raise $825 for this Friday's Duke City Sleep Out. I will be sleeping out to raise awareness and funds to end homelessness.

Thank you for considering making a donation. Click on this link:

And, please forward this on to a few friends! Together, we can make a difference.

Thank you.