Thursday, July 19, 2007
The Light Is On, But...
So I met this guy who has many traits that I value. It got me to thinking about what is love. And the more that I think about it, the less I am certain.
Although I can think too much and since love is, as they say, a matter of the heart, you might be tempted to say to yourself, "Well, of course, Dennis. You can't think your way through love!" But if you have been reading this blog for some time now, you know that I have approached love without thinking, too. You know where that got me and even if you haven't read this blog for long, you can guess where unthinking love winds up. So this time I have been thinking.
I've thought about what it is that I desire in the relationship in which I choose to grow old, about character traits that are important to me. I even made a list of 20 or so of the top 25.
So what is the magic number at which one shares with another enough traits or commonality to call it love? There are many guys in my life with whom I share a great many important values, but the emotion that we share is a brotherly love. I have even shared as many or more of these desires with women, but felt, well, that they were women and I don't feel attracted to women in a way that compels me to commit my life to them.
Is it then a certain number of shared goals, dreams, values and traits plus a special indescribable something? But I have also felt an indescribable something for guys that, in itself, wasn't sustaining, or that, in itself, plus some but not enough of the traits, wasn't "love." So is it having a certain something plus a substantial enough number of shared goals and characteristics before it is a life-partnering love?
It is kind of like I either find myself standing at the gates of Disney World without a ticket to get in, or that I have a ticket and the park is not open.
I am less certain than ever.