Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Spotted two roasters yesterday. Autumn must be approaching early this year.

Each year its beginning is announced by the aroma of roasting chilis and its close is brought by the immigration of crows.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Spending Time

Finally got a digital camera, but haven't figured out how it works with my computer yet. So until then, you'll just have to imagine the gorgeous sunflowers in my yard.

Met a friend for tea, one just to chat, and two for dinner yesterday. Dinner planned with two more friends this evening.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Weekend Updates

  • Zoo

  • Botanical Garden

  • Teach Sunday School

  • Hike Hamilton Mesa

  • Preach

  • Greek Festival

  • Community Organizing

  • "Johnny Guitar"

Sunflowers

Have popped out all over my garden. The tomatoes are ripening, wild flowers are in bloom, pumpkin and squash are proliferating. It's a nice porch to share with friends. I'm learning who those really are and giving focus to being a good friend to them.

Friday, July 25, 2008

I had the most unfortunate, amazing conversation today wherein my best friend said that he no longer wants us to spend time alone together, that we can only see each other when in groups. He also expressed the desire to still be a support to me in hard times, but that I shouldn't call him if I'm having a rough night. It wasn't clear to him or me what he meant by support.

I told him to come and find me when he figures out what he really wants.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I passed this sign today:
Twin Oaks
Assisted Living
Because it's a billboard and must be read in a glance, it usually registers either as "Twisted Oaks" or "Twisted Living".

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I've been incredibly busy with work and, when not at work, busy reading at home where I don't have access to the internet. That's my excuse for not posting recently. What's yours for not commenting recently? ;)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Interesting Quotation

"Freud...Jung...Adler.... Lurking behind all theories of how the mind works is a greater theory: Darwin's. In Freud's vocabulary, the idea of survival as the prime directive is expressed by the concept of the id. In Jung's, by the rather grander idea of blood consciousness. Neither man, I think, would argue with the idea that if all conscious thought, all memory, all ratiocinative ability, were to be stripped from a human mind in a moment, what would remain would be pure and terrible....

"Although neither the Freudians nor the Jungians come right out and say it, they strongly suggest that we may have a core, a single basic carrier wave...a single line of written code which cannot be stripped.

"At bottom, you see, we are not Homo sapiens at all. Our core is madness. The prime directive is murder."

Interesting to me to think of survival as the core of one's being. As the author continues to write, the plaque on the moon that says, 'We came in peace for all mankind' has Richard Nixon's name on it. And "for every Michelangleo there's a Marquis de Sade, for every Ghandi an Eichmann, for every Martin Luther King an Osama bin Laden...." Of course, it could be the other way around. Then there's that nasty little survival of the fittest thing.

As I said, interesting thoughts. What do you think?

Friday, July 11, 2008

It May Be the Heat

It may be the heat of the monsoon season, but my head is swooning from way too many spiritual jumps, psychological meanderings and philosophical speculations.

Conversation is good, but I just need to go bowling.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

For a long while, life is all about addition. Then, eventually, addition makes way for subtraction. I don't know where I am along that continuum: whether still adding, beginning to subtract, or some mix in the middle where both take place simultaneously.

But you should watch "Big Fish" if you haven't seen it and again if you have.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

It's All Perspective

I took a nice walk through Tent Rocks today. Good day for a hike.

It gave me time to let my mind wander (as it does often, even without the invitation!). I settled on this thought regarding relationships:
It's not so much my loss that I don't have a boyfriend at this time. It's their loss, too.
After leaving a friend's house, I think to myself, "He doesn't know what he's missing." When I leave the counter at the coffee shop, I think,"Too bad that fellow has missed out having a relationship with me." Driving down the street, I glance to see another fellow driving alone and I realize that his life is less for not having me in it.

Maybe it's selfish. Maybe it's self-defense. It certainly is ego. Yet there is truth in it, too.

Those guys are settling for less by not having me as their primary relationship. They would have a much more interesting and fulfilled, dedicated relationship had they chosen me.

I hope that's not all too much ego to cram into one post. But I'm happy knowing the loss isn't all mine. Those guys are having to settle for something mainstream and much too normal for my liking. I do hope that they like it and are satisfied. I imagine that they do and are.

(But I secretly tell myself that it is less than what I can offer.)

Friday, July 04, 2008

4th of July Switch

Skipped out on planned gathering because I was feeling awkward and not my best self. Instead, went with a friend to a brew house where we hula-hooped with strangers and then set off a bunch of parking lot fireworks together. Good fun with good strangers and a nice night.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Know Your Place

I spent Sunday pleasurably enough with three different men. Each one left me to go be with a woman for whom they had more attraction.

Am I a magnet for sensitive straight men, giving them just enough of what they desire until they can get the sexual attraction met by a woman? It does seem to be the case.

I think I understand why it is that I often feel used: I can never be enough for the men in my life. They are happy to associate with me and get what they want from me that they can't get from the women in their lives. But when the woman steps in, she has precedence over all, the sexual attraction drive kicks in stronger than any intellectual, emotional or friendship connection. One wants to go to the closing of an art exhibit until his girlfriend calls; another is planning to come over until he gets the offer of a date; another is interested in conversation until his desire for a woman supersedes the conversation.

Each recognizes that he can get more from a woman in his life than he can by having me in his life. Finished reading a book recently that had this quote:
"Having a reliable friend to watch your back is a comfort, but the consolation and support provided by even the best of friends is no match for what a loving wife can be to a husband, or a loving husband to a wife."
Maybe it's time to associate only with men who are gay or who are already married. And maybe those of you close to me should help me find someone.

Lol :-)