Fall Weekend

Saturday I went to a Blessing of the Animals, hosted by our church in the Poblanos Open Space. Afterwards, Brian and I explored the corn maze that they construct annually. This year it is in the shape of a lizard.

Afterwards, I curled up on the couch at the home where I am housesitting and enjoyed the PBS slate of cooking shows. Went to the Parade of Homes and enjoyed hanging out at Tracy's home while he worked. Then a group of us enjoyed the sunset and some wine.

Sunday was Michaelmas, our church's patronal feast day. Lots of great music (including mariachi) and a delicious potluck. I attended my monthly hypnosis peer review group in the afternoon and then went home and passed the time by reading and self-analyzing.

The reading was more interesting.

But the self reflection picked up from a comment I had made to Brian in the corn maze, that I have difficulty living ordinary life; sometimes the day-to-day fills me with an anxious dread. I have not uncovered the source of that yet.

Until I do, it can take a lot of focus for me to maintain calm and centeredness. I don't know why I overthink things; perhaps it is a defense mechanism that helps me think I can burn others out and return to the (false) comfort of being alone.

Mostly, it is likely due to my immature ability to know how to reach out in healthy ways and to have patience and faith in those connections when I am alone. I do know that I am a good friend, but I've never figured out how to be more. It would be nice to discover a balance of being.

Perhaps my meditation quota is low.