Ever feel like you can hear the music that would be playing if your life was up on the screen? I spent this past week trying to alleviate my mind and emotions of the awareness of time by making a mixed CD. The songs are pointedly sad, although somehow I found myself enjoying them.
If you want a crudely made copy, send me a note and I'll see if I can burn you CD of "Love & Melancholy," which contains 20 songs.
Meanwhile, I am at work...my last day for awhile. I am attempting to stay focused on tasks at hand, but am ready to bolt.
Greece will clear my mind. I plan to sink into the adventure of being in a foreign country and enjoy myself. It was also be very good to be with Sharon and Matthias. I probably won't be blogging again until the 30th.
Naturally, I plan to spend some of my time there in reflection. Can I just let go and enjoy myself in life, without craving more? Am I able to engage socially while remaining alone without going crazy?
I have a small suspicion that Greece may be preparing me to return to solitutde in ABQ. But what I really want is for it to bring me back to surprising wholeness. It feels like that is part in my control and part in others'. I can't form relationship alone, but 40 years of experience tell me that alone is what I get.
I will try to allow time to form the questions, as well as the answers. Maybe I will learn how to be open without being vulnerable, engaged without feeling wounded.
It would be nice to put my brain and emotions into neutral and just function as a body. Surely there is some B-rate horror flick out there with that premise!