Friday, October 13, 2006

Soundtrack of My Life

Ever feel like you can hear the music that would be playing if your life was up on the screen? I spent this past week trying to alleviate my mind and emotions of the awareness of time by making a mixed CD. The songs are pointedly sad, although somehow I found myself enjoying them.

If you want a crudely made copy, send me a note and I'll see if I can burn you CD of "Love & Melancholy," which contains 20 songs.

Meanwhile, I am at last day for awhile. I am attempting to stay focused on tasks at hand, but am ready to bolt.

Greece will clear my mind. I plan to sink into the adventure of being in a foreign country and enjoy myself. It was also be very good to be with Sharon and Matthias. I probably won't be blogging again until the 30th.

Naturally, I plan to spend some of my time there in reflection. Can I just let go and enjoy myself in life, without craving more? Am I able to engage socially while remaining alone without going crazy?

I have a small suspicion that Greece may be preparing me to return to solitutde in ABQ. But what I really want is for it to bring me back to surprising wholeness. It feels like that is part in my control and part in others'. I can't form relationship alone, but 40 years of experience tell me that alone is what I get.

I will try to allow time to form the questions, as well as the answers. Maybe I will learn how to be open without being vulnerable, engaged without feeling wounded.

It would be nice to put my brain and emotions into neutral and just function as a body. Surely there is some B-rate horror flick out there with that premise!


missymussy said...

me wants melancholy! what do you want? Hey, can you make it to hawaii in July? If that's possible, let me know and i'll trade you a CD of music that will make you want to come to Hawaii.

Dennis Plummer said...

What's your address? Will consider July in the meantime.