I only attended one Easter service all of last week. It was the Palm Sunday service, which I don't particularly enjoy and so I sat out part of that one by intentionally arriving late.

Despite my avoidance--or rather because of it--I had a great Holy Week that was more reflective and thoughtful than many previous ones. This is because I was continually thinking about the various services I was not attending, what is their purpose, what I desire to gain from the experiences, and how I could focus my activity and internal growth during the time I wasn't at church.

Instead of having a brief worship experience at church and, when the service was over, feeling closure and going on about my life, I felt and still feel a keen ponderance about the significance of it all. I like that.

I am sitting now in my office at the shelter. It is on the second floor and has a westward facing view of the volcanoes and mesa. It is cloudy, drizzling rain...the perfect stay-at-home-with-a-good-book kind of day. Perfect for contemplation.

But I'm working. Which can make me feel resentful that I have to work and focus on running a shelter.

Ah, yes. Back to Easter. How to incorporate the meaning behind the reflection into daily, active life. How to trust that I need not grasp the good moments out of fear that they will not return. How to be fully present in the not-so-great moments. It is in this being outwardly active and inwardly silent that I believe I am at my best. And those moments are so rare.