I was reared to believe that you first find out if you are compatible with someone emotionally and intellectually, then you advance to having sex together. A friend told me the other day that our culture has sex first and then figures out if they emotionally connect and need each other.
I suppose that it is more time efficient. Problem is that I find sex to be emotional.
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When I was in ministry I was really supportive of a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." It was a really good book in a lot of ways, though I think it's a bit totalitarian and redcuctionist in its thinking. But it had a lot of good points. But I have to say, I have had several friends from Africa and the Middle East who were in arranged marriages, and they all said the same thing: American's have it all wrong. Love is a decision, not a feeling, and the feeling always comes if you make the decision first to really love and honor the other person. I have to wonder how much of what we call "love" is really a product of our social indoctrination and filters.
But as someone who has been happily married for nearly fifteen years, I have to say that I have to say that the feelings part are awfully nice. :) But it did take a lot of work and commitment. If we weren't as determined as we are, it would have ended a long time ago, and it really didn't pay off for several years. I mean, we were soooo dysfunctional for the first seven or eight years. Now we don't really even disagree, much less argue, and we never, ever, EVER fight. But that's after YEARS of working on it to get to this point.
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