Last evening, my best friend in Albuquerque and I amiably ended our friendship. He indicated that the relationship was not compatible with those in his life and that it would not be in keeping true to himself.
I felt good to be able to stand honestly by my commitment to the friendship, offering to leave the doors open, but, at the same time, not needing the friendship. Able to go forward with or without, and, even without, being able to honestly welcome him should he ever feel otherwise.
As one of you said, mixing Hesse with the words of the song Desperado, "being loved isn't important, but letting someone love you is." I continue to learn that. This chapter allowed me to live it, being okay with his rejection of the friendship (being loved isn't important) while also remaining open to it if it were there (letting someone love me).
Thanks for being friends who encourage me to grow and expand my circle of friends, rather than restricting them. Even when you may have doubts as to their benefit to me (and many of you expressed your doubts), you have encouraged me to still face the best and the worst and to proceed to a new level of understanding and grace. That makes me stronger and able to embrace others.
Thanks for encouraging me to not back away.
10 comments:
Thank you Dennis! You will always have my love and friendship, and I am grateful for yours.
I’m sorry it went that way… in some ways, but as you said, it seems like it really is for the best. You need to be able to move on from this pain right now. But it must really hurt today.
Sorry about your best friend.
It does sound like you’re doing well with it, so I know you’ll be alright. Just wish it didn’t hurt.
Hope you find a new one…
A Big Big Hug! Love you...
Fear inhibits and love accepts...good you could accept him and accept his choosing to leave.
How sad it is for him to choose not to have someone so special, intelligent, and caring in his life. I'm sure he will soon regret it. However, I know you will soon find a friend who can see and value all of this in you. You will not regret it!
Cheers!
Real friends are those who endure with us even through the worst of times. If you two were in difficult times and he couldn't stick out seeing a way through, time to find others with better eyesight.
Thanks for all of your support. I am sad that my friend could not see through to a better time. I feel that he acted out of projected fear of the future rather than leaving room for growth. But his departure from my life opens up space mentally and emotionally for me to turn my focus towards others, hopefully in a much more healthy way.
I agree. You deserve outstanding friends and relationships, because you, yourself, are outstanding. Someone really ought to cherish you, because there's a lot to be cherished there. And it sounds like you are learning to cherish yourself as well.
It does take a lot of courage for some people to stand up to their perceived fears. Fears of intimacy, fears of what others might think, fears of losing family members or social standing...and some people just never tap into that courage. You're too aware to be limited by that, and hopefully your friend will someday wake up to how his fears have held him back from joy as well.
too bad he backed away. often it is just at that moment that we can break through our old patterns. i hope that you do that, with or without your previous friendship. perhaps just use him to get on with what is bound to be better and more mature in your own life.
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