I attended a meditation last evening and was instructed to visualize the relationship I want. Immediately, visions of a home arose, awakening beside someone in bed, a life together, perhaps kids, etc.
Then I realized that this is step 2, the outcome of a relationship. Step 1 is to envision the person with whom together I can mutually create a shared life. Someone who now wants to be in my life and I in his. I must first visualize the kind of person with whom I want to create shared outcomes later. All of the home stuff comes after I am in the relationship.
X has so much of Step 2--what I want in a person with whom I can feel safe to create a shared vision--so much so that it is easy to jump quickly to that vision and see X as a part of it.
But he lacks a huge element of Step 1, of what I desire in someone: namely, that that person has an equal attraction to me, that he loves and desires me, that we share an excited energy of wanting to be together.
The person I desire, my vision of the person with whom I want to be, has a desire for me. X does not have that. Thus he is not the person I want because he lacks a major trait I desire and seek in another person.
I'll return to envisioning the man I desire, Step 1. That includes someone who can reciprocate. The home vision and life together, Step 2, comes later.