Monday, October 01, 2007
Yesterday was strange. I awoke early and ready to go to church, but decided against the crowd. Instead, I enjoyed the peaceful morning outdoors with a cup of coffee. But then, slowly, an anxious depression settled in. I went to Target to purchase some contentment, but they were out of stock. Spent the afternoon with a friend, but still couldn't shake the sinking feeling. Even tried lying down to think my way through to what was the source of my gloom...thoughts don't lend themselves well to discovering emotion, especially not in thinking one's way to happiness when one is starting from a depressed state. I went to bed early and watched "Brokeback Mountain" to really sink into the sadness. Fell asleep thinking that perhaps I would get up, cancel my second interview for the executive position and just wander off to some remote remoteness. But here I am at a cafe, drinking coffee and attempting to outwait the feelings. (Is outwaiteven a word?) It has worked in the past and I am sure that it will again this week.