Wednesday, March 15, 2006

So Tell Me About Yourself

I had what would be considered a date last night--if it had been with a man. Instead, I had coffee with a wonderful woman I met a couple of weeks ago at the mock jury.

She had given me her number, which I lost. After a week of waiting, she called me and we made plans to have coffee together.

I know the routine, but it doesn't get any easier: woman expresses interest; do I assume she is thinking possible date material and so tell her up front that I'm gay? Or is that too big of an assumption?

I agreed to the coffee together, thinking that it would all work out and that we might still be friends.

Even so, it was a long evening of figuring out, "When do I tell her?" I learned long ago not to go past the first evening assuming she could figure it out, only later to be seen as guilty of leading her on. So besides getting to know each other, such encounters are often a mutual monitoring of each other's signals. If my sexual orientation doesn't come up naturally, I only hope that by the time I do say, "I'm not wanting to make any assumptions, but I feel you should know that I'm gay," she already knows. You never know what reaction you'll get.

It's awkward, to say the least, when my sexuality is not normally the center of my dinner conversation. Still, it did all work out and we will probably be friends.


Odette said...

Denis never told me:-( I believe it is a good thing to let a new possible friend know where you stand, simply because it makes a possible new relationship clear from the start where it's heading.I had a few dates and I would make sure to say at some point in the conversation that I have someone else in my life. It would have been nice to make new friends but they have not called back, I guess they were looking for something more romantic :-) So, good for you, maybe you made a new friend :-D

Jimmy Carlozzi said...


I already know that you may not agree with me on this topic. However, in my life, I have always just been "myself," while discounting what others will think. If a person truly likes you, and considers friendship, then they will accept you, unconditionally! If one cannot see all facets of your persona, and only focus on the homosexual part, then he or she is failing to discover a wonderful new person.
Their loss, not yours.

As the cliche' dictates, let the dove free: if it comes back, then it is meant to be.


P.S. - So, speaking of subtle conversations over cafe' : when will we connect again??

Dennis Plummer said...

I'm not sure that I see your point. How was I not being myself?

How about a cafe early next week? Give me a call.

Jimmy Carlozzi said...

How were you not being yourself? You were hesitant to say what you felt, when you felt it.
Need I say more?

Anonymous said...

Take JC's advice, discount what others think...starting with his comment.

Dennis Plummer said...

LOL at anonymous, but I think that I'll still take the thoughts and opinions of others into account. Despite how Jimmy's comment may have read, even he says that he avoids certain subjects if he knows that it will just upset people.

After re-reading my post, however, I'm not sure that I was clear that I did tell the woman that I was gay. That was the point of the post: to share some of my thought process behind honesty, respect of others and openly being myself, even when in situtations where it's assumed that I'm straight, and it's not a natural part of the conversation to otherwise correct that perception. Anyway....

Jimmy Carlozzi said...

LOL!! .....Dennis, you think too much!!

The point it very simple : sometimes, you just have to shed light on the obvious. People can be blind to this (Just like me!!..LOL). Even though you told her you were gay, if she was truly infatuated, then she would probably think that she could convert you, in time...just like the mormons that come to your door.