Day Four

Weight:

Don't know; haven't weighed myself since I started.

Appetite:

Hungry right now, but not more than I normally am before a meal.

Energy:

Strong. But then a big dip in the evening while at an art reception. I don't think that I took in enough fluids today.

Emotion:

Some small up and downs. Mostly due to the thoughts mentioned below.

Thoughts:

Last night was another time for contrast. I arrived home after work at the shelter and was ready to meditate a little and go to bed. Get an early night in without having to get up too early. Then my friend called and wanted me to meet him at "Gulp," a local pub, to hear a live band. I decided to do that since I haven't done something like that for a long time. I joined him and did have one martini (two olives) and a beer. Then we proceeded to stay up late again. He had to get up at 5:15 to go to work, so it was an early morning. Then he decided to take the day off, so we stayed in bed until about 8:30. Stopped by my landlord's house and she loaned him one of her cars. He is still heading in the direction of the felt freedom of the bars, partying and hanging out bohemian style. I am inclined towards that nature myself, so it is an interesting balance to spend some time with him while also maintaining this spiritual fast and pursuing what that means. I am feeling good about it--it feels as though I am gaining some capacity for moderation and a real experience of living out my faith within the context of a very real world. I also feel a little off center as I try to absorb daily life even as I go deeper within myself. I have yet to do deep meditation about it all. I trust that I will not get swept away into either extreme. And all the while, pressures of work, financial burdens and general responsibilities such as calling and emailing people to whom I have commitments is present, too, and I am finding that is difficult.